Drawing is a struggle for me, it has been, probably, for the last few years. I couldn’t think for the life of me why, as drawing and painting has always been one of the biggest parts of who I am. Then I watched a recent video from MAIS2, and saw one of those usually annoying “meaningful quotes” (barf) that stuck with me and all of a sudden it made sense!
I think A) I’m scared and therefore procrastinating and B) I’m just not enjoying the process anymore.
By scared, I mean as soon as I pick up a pencil I automatically tell myself that whatever I create is going to be terrible and not up to the standard of my favourite illustrators. So whats the point?? The only people who tell me they like my drawings are my family and close friends; does that mean they are just saying it to be nice? I never sell anything on my Etsy shop; should I just give up? – I’m trying to silence this damaging voice, but sometimes its overwhelming, so my fear turns in to procrastination. I end up cleaning the kitchen or doing something that really can wait, instead of getting my head down and practising.
Even though I have spent the last few years experimenting with style and different mediums, I just don’t enjoy the process anymore. It took a long time for me to discover that was what was wrong with me, and its difficult to accept, but its true. Now that I know thats what it is, I can at least get to the bottom of why and try to fix it (right??). It might have a lot to do with the fact that I put too much pressure on myself (CONSTANTLY) – this is probably mostly caused by social media, specifically Instagram. I start to question if I am skilled enough while surrounded by all of these talented people all over the world at my fingertips, who have made something of themselves, and quickly decide I’m not.
So, what I’m trying to say is – my aim is to find out how I can quash these fears and just get on with it and create without beating myself up. I can only improve with practise, and the more I create the more creative my processes and themes will become. So perhaps, hopefully, you will be seeing more “sketchbook” posts with updates on how I’m feeling about creating. Does anyone else struggle with these sorts of feelings when it comes to creativity? How do you carry on and stop yourself from freezing up?
(these sketches are from the past couple of months, some are digital and some are pencil/pen/marker on paper)